A few wise words from the brilliant Rosalyn Bruyere's Wheels Of Light about choosing people based on the quality of energy and emotional wholeness we experience in their presence.
"The process of life, the path of consciousness, begins with the physical body. We cannot "know" anything until we sense it or experience it first. Personal choices and decisions should "arise" from the kundalini [our vital energy]. But since our bodies are usually quite numb (modern life), this can be a long, slow process.
In looking for friends, teachers, and mates we must begin by considering the equality of their light, not the way they look, not the way they say they are, but the way the body feels in the presence of them. We often choose our friends and our loved ones and proximity to them for all the wrong reasons. Many of us come from backgrounds in which our parents did not carry a lot of light or carried light at times that were harmful to us in some way. As a result we respond to people who have abundant energy as people to be avoided, and we sense people with low energies as being safe. Such responses do not assist us to lead the powerful kind of lives most of us desire. The kundalini [lifeforce that each of us carry in different ways] has a story to tell us. We must as individuals and as a culture learn to listen to it; it is the story of life itself."
How do the people in your life make you feel? drained? comforted? taken advantage of? honoured? respected? judged? not quite good enough? fully seen? too much? deeply appreciated? loved? We often look for people to tick off all the appropriate boxes on paper, look lovely in pictures, complete our idealized vision of a power couple or stylish friendship union. We also choose people who are lacking in vital life force so that we may "help" them or complete them in a way that makes us feel needed and important. But truly, unless people bring our heart a sense of calm and elevation, we will be left with our own energy frustrated, depleted, or perpetually searching for something that feels more...equal...more fitting. Something beyond sight.
We are pure dynamic energy. This is not esoteric musing; this is hard science. The human form you find yourself in is more a process of continuous wave particle patterns than a concrete reality. Physics teaches us that we are both, a highly complex collection of particles, AND the creative movement patterns or wavelengths of these particles. Every beat of your pulse, every thought that crosses your mind, every memory you recall, every time you have a flutter in your stomach while learning something new, every dream you have at night is the movement of energy patterns, an electrical dance in constant motion. Even when we die our bodies continue to move through disintegration and continually become other forms of matter. Eventually returning to the basic elements in nature, we then form new life, over and over, infinitely. We are energy in motion, despite our solid appearance. Energy is our original language. Whether we know it or not, we all speak it proficiently with others every day. When our basic vital energy is compromised, we become unwell or contribute to imbalance in those around us. When it is healthy and full, we feel and live well and contribute to the wellness of others around us.
How then can we practice making good energetic companionship choices? Most us of are very much on autopilot with our bodies in this regard. We categorically make decisions that are entirely mind based and quite cut off from the honest experience our bodies have in reaction to another. What can we do to regain this important intelligent sensing language of our bodies?
Start noticing how the area around your heart and solar plexus feels in the presence of each person you come into contact with. If you pay attention, you will notice whether your chest and abdomen become light, warm, closed off, constricted, anxious, expansive, weighted, or relaxed. Start practicing this and you will be astonished at the amount of information you get about the person in your presence. You may experience their energy as gentle, harsh, quick, scattered, zingy, cloudy, light. You may eventually notice that certain colours come to consciousness as you sense them. Take this informations seriously. Consider what it means to you. Consider if it feels healthy, welcoming, balanced, or perhaps exciting but very imbalanced. Our bodies are wise. They are an intact and intelligent navigation system able to pick up very subtle and complex energetic cues from people, situations and places.
My favourite kind of people to be around are the ones that seem bursting with balanced light. In an appointment the other day, I was in the presence of a client that made me feel like I wanted to jump up and down with joy! My chest and stomach felt bright, open and vital as I sat with her. When I left, I felt like someone had taken me flying through the air on the back of a tiger and then set me back down on the ground gently! She had exquisite, fun, caring, trustworthy and enlivening energy. Today, I answered the door, and a very angry frustrated person stood there looking for assistance. I immediately and without conscious thought, stepped back and put a hand across my chest. I still assisted him but my inclination was not to let him in my house for more than a brief period of problem solving. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship that continually felt as if just enough energy kept you hanging on and yearning for more fullness yet never really arrived there? Have you experienced being around someone that makes you feel smaller and less capable than you usually are? Can you sense the heavy slow sticky energy of someone who drinks too much alcohol?
Each of us carry a veritable library of information inside and around us that is available to help us make responsible companionship and proximity choices. We may have to spend time with people who have very low or unpleasant energy for a variety of professional or personal reasons. When you understand the general effect the energy of another has on you, it allows you to make informed choices about how close you may wish to become with them or how much time/spatial limitation with them is healthy for you. Making these choices consciously and responsibly is an important act of personal health care because your overall health stems directly from the condition of your vital energy. If it is being depleted by the lower or imbalanced vibrations of others, you must decide whether risking your own wellness is worth experiencing time with someone. Sometimes it is; we can help each other balance. Sometimes it is not; we lose our health and cause no positive change in the futile process. Trust yourself to choose wisely...and practice listening with your body.
Begin to notice how people make you feel in the different parts of your torso. Take note of the information you receive. Repeat the experiment each time you see the same person and compare the information. What consistencies do you find? Do you feel energized in their presence? Do you feel tired or zapped? Do you feel confused? I often find that when I consistently cannot decipher a person's energy that they are either being deceitful or they feel threatened by something. If it feels like deceit, I remove myself from the situation or challenge them to be honest. If it feels as though they are threatened, I take extra care to assure them they are in a friendly, non- judgmental place with me, giving them the opportunity to open up if they choose. Everyone you come into contact with has an unspoken energy story to tell you. You have the option to contribute to those stories in quality ways. You also have the option to use discernment and remove yourself when you feel unsafe or on the receiving end of unreasonable negativity.
People will either add to your wellness or diminish it. Sometimes we allow loved ones who are hurting into our space because we have energy to give them in their time of need; we are in a position to elevate them. This is a fantastic and caring thing to do! Perhaps you meet someone on the street with terribly unhappy hopeless energy. If you have some kind gentle energy to share briefly and it feels reasonably safe to do so, maybe smile and feel some warmth and a sense of caring move from your chest to the area around them. By all mean, do not avoid all people in need of some kindness because they are depleted. Just engage responsibly and with some boundaries. Make sure you have time after those interactions to recharge and clean the energetic space around you (fresh air, a shower, breath work, exercise, meditation). You will not be able to do this kind of giving endlessly and without boundaries very long however. If you become significantly diminished from over sharing your energy, you will not be in a position to elevate others or keep yourself buoyant and well.
One effective exercise I use in between clients is to sit cross legged on the floor, in a chair, lying on my back (whatever works for the body and circumstance in that moment), taking deep slow strong breaths, visualizing myself pulling up energy from the ground (earth energy!) on the inhale and filling the space inside of my body and charging the energy around the outside of my body on the exhale. I do this for a minimum of one full minute, more if necessary. I can feel quite certainly when this area is full and more whole. It feels like strong steady balanced light. I am charging my field to replace any depleted energy. It is wonderfully effective and gives excellent pleasant sensations of fullness. If you do this frequently you will be amazed at how good this feels and how much more vitality you have. The other benefit is that you no longer have to feel resentful after situations where another person drains you. They will only drain you until you charge up your field. This simple practice will change your life.
All of this is to encourage us to begin seeing each others with our full senses instead of just our eyes. This is a more honest intelligent sight and it will help us find more meaningful relationships and personal wellness. Have fun experimenting with sensing others. Commit to becoming aware of what you are taking in and invest in your own vitality by recharging yourself after depleting encounters. Every person has these free easy tools at their disposal. They only require a little curiosity, willingness, and time.
By Gretchen Hickmott
March 10, 2018